Two weeks ago a very precious Macbook came to watery end in the Somerset town of Midsomer. It’s titanium covered in slithering mud. The guilty party was none other than myself.
Here be the scene of the crime. The plot goes something like this.
‘Well officer it was the first sunny day of the year. Lovely really. As it was we were all sitting outside the cafe – you know the one the looks over the stream on the high street. To be honest it was packed outside – On the opposite of the river that runs through town there was this strange man. He had a suitcase and he was peering intently into the muddy waters. He seemed to notice something in water and he produced a camera out of his pocket. Well he was taking pictures of something and slowly he was pending over getting lower and lower – and then it happen. This silver thin box thing shot from out of the bag on his back and disappeared…into the river!!!.. followed by the man – he was in their as quick as clicking your fingers’.
‘And he was out in a trick!’ Him and the sliver box dripping and oozing mud. He had slime up to his waste’
‘Yes officer – as I said I am a naturalist’ No not a naturist – a naturalist – I like nature.’ Well I know there isn’t a lot of nature in your urban stream but I noticed a mudroach or something similar. So I wanted a picture so I could write about hte fish on my friends blog – Nature Urbaine…’ No officer not urbane,it is French for urban – I didn’t mean!’
‘Were there any witnesses, Sir?’
‘Only half the town!…as I have already explained was a clambered out of the river several people came up to me to ask me if my ‘silver thing’ would work after the dousing it had had!
‘Yes I was polite sir’ ‘Pissed off is an understatement sire but I think I maintained my dignity!’
‘Was your Macbook to murder, sir”
I have been trying to think how I could write this tale of the death of my cherished MacBook – God (who will remain nameless),when I rang him holding my macbook in my hand dribbling pints of mud, was as succinct as ever. ‘Of course you back it up!’ ‘Errrr” ‘You didn’t’ ‘No’ ‘Get the battery out’ Well the old macs used to have a big sort of screw on the back. Not the new ones! And I always go down to the river with a handy philips screwdriver in my pocket!!! Dribbling mud from trousers and boots I sloped off to a nearby DIY store. As I enetered the ladies working there looked at me and…’You must be the man who jumped in the river!!!’
Well my Macbook is dead – but the heart of it – the hard drive is safely an external hard drive for a new one. The sheer stupidity and public humiliation of a wet and muddy me in a busy street in small town in England leaping with wild abandon into a river has somehow softened the blow of buying a new new Macbook. Oh, and God (who shall remain nameless) I am backing this one up!